


pspspspspsps

by quartzguts



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Animal Traits, Catboys & Catgirls, Crack, M/M, Miqo'te Noctis Lucis Caelum, Pet Play, haha why did I write this, ok very horny, this is kinda horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzguts/pseuds/quartzguts
Summary: Ardyn needs a bath.(Obligatory Ardyn/Miqo'te!Noctis fic.)
Relationships: Ardyn Izunia/Noctis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 16
Kudos: 125





	pspspspspsps

**Author's Note:**

> ...yeah, like the tags said. i'm not dignifying this fic with a proper title. it doesn't deserve it.

Noctis knows he should absolutely _not_ be snuggling up against Ardyn motherfucking Izunia right now, but he can’t _stop_. His instincts tend to get a little stronger when he wears the Miqo’te glamour prism, and right now they’re telling him to rub his face all over Ardyn’s face, regardless of the consequences. It doesn’t help that he’s been crushing on the guy since they’d met back in Galdin.

He hisses and flicks his tail when Gladio grabs at his shoulders again, trying to pull him back. Ardyn says something - trying to calm his furious Shield, maybe? - but all Noctis can hear is the low rumble of his voice, and he presses closer, trying to rub his scent into Ardyn’s skin so the whole world knows who he belongs to.

He only backs off when Ardyn places a gentle hand on his chest and pushes him back. Noctis goes obediently, and before he knows it Gladio is grabbing him and throwing him over his shoulder.

Noctis yelps and claws at Gladio’s back. “Hey, put me down, asshole!”

“Like hell I will,” Gladio says. Noctis arches up, looking back at Ardyn, who merely watches in amusement as his cat is carried away by a dog person. The traitor.

Noctis yowls and hisses as Gladio marches him back to their hotel room in the Leville. They’d dropped by Lestallum on their way to the Vesperpool to pick up some sort of auto part for Cindy, and Noctis and Gladio had run into Ardyn at the market. Usually wearing the Miqo’te get-up in public wasn’t too big a problem; most people assumed they were fake as long as he kept his tail hanging loose around his legs, and in Lestallum especially people tended not to care about weird fashion choices. This time was the first time it had actually been an issue. Noctis had seen Ardyn and completely lost his mind.

Even now he wants to claw his way out of Gladio’s grip, go back to Ardyn, and climb him like a tree. He wants Ardyn to scratch behind his ears and feed him out of his hand and tell him he’s a _good kitty_. What the _fuck_.

Noctis settles for digging his claws into Gladio’s bare skin in distress and whining.

“Shut it,” Gladio says, giving his tail a yank. Noctis yelps. A few people look over to them, but they just as quickly turn away, flatly uninterested. They - shit, they think Noctis and Gladio are doing some sort of kink thing, aren’t they. Noctis desperately hopes Dino isn’t in town. He doesn’t trust the amateur reporter to not publish pictures of the king in exile letting some shirtless hunk carry him around while he’s wearing cat ears.

Gladio storms past the hotel attendant, who also smiles at them like literally nothing unusual is happening - how many weird hookups has the guy seen, Noctis wonders - and practically throws him onto their hotel room floor. Ignis and Prompto startle as he lands directly on his face.

“Ugh, what was that for?” Noctis spits. Ignis steps over to inspect his face for rug burn. He’s apparently satisfied with what he sees, because he goes back to cooking dinner without batting an eye.

“You know what. The hell did you think you were doing?” Gladio says, slamming the door shut.

Prompto laughs nervously. He always gets antsy whenever Gladio’s pissed, no matter how many times Noctis has privately assured him that he wouldn’t hurt any of them. “Oh no, Noct’s in trouble!”

“Damn right he is. Loverboy here was just sidling up to Izunia.”

“He was _what_?” Ignis says, dropping his stirring spoon into the pot. A splash of spaghetti sauce flies out and lands on the counter. “Noct, are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine,” Noctis insists. “Or maybe I’m not. I don’t know! It’s this damn glamour prism.”

“It’d better be,” Gladio mutters. He sits down at the room’s small table as Noctis crawls onto one of the beds, searching through the duffel bag he’d tossed onto it only an hour prior. “If it turns out Izunia did anything to him, I’ll be arrested for assassinating the Chancellor.”

“I’m getting changed,” Noctis says firmly, trying to avoid Prompto and Ignis’s horrified expressions. He pulls out a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt and flees to the bathroom before they can ask any more questions.

Instead of taking the glamour prism off, he presses his kitty cat ears to the door and listens. His hearing is much sharper like this, and he can hear the conversation as clearly as if he was still in the room with them. The first thing he picks up is Ignis asking _“so you’re telling me Noctis was trying to seduce the Imperial Chancellor, in_ public _?”_

Noctis cringes. He wasn’t trying to _seduce_ Ardyn. He was just trying to get him to bring Noctis back to his hotel room, and feed him fish, and talk to him in that low, sensual voice -

Crap, he was trying to seduce Ardyn, wasn’t he.

_“I dunno. He wasn’t grinding on him or anything. Just rubbing against him, you know, like a cat does.”_

_“Okay, big guy, you’re gonna have to be clearer on that because there’s no way I can picture it where it doesn’t look like grinding.”_

Noctis whimpers pathetically. The ear not pressed against the door droops a tad. His tail flicks around, upset. He feels an insatiable desire to simply get away, to run outside and crawl under a car, or a bench, or maybe jump onto a roof and meow ferociously at passerby.

_“None of us have ever reacted to our own glamour prisms in this way. We should call Y’jhimei and see if she knows anything.”_

_“Dude, I think you’re forgetting she doesn’t exactly have a phone.”_

_“Drat. I suppose we’ll have to make our way in her direction, then. At least she tends to stay in one place.”_

Noctis tenses. He wants to get out, sure, but not out of the _city_. Ardyn is still here, after all. Noctis has to go find him before Ignis and Gladio team up to drag him away.

He dumps his extra clothes on the floor, opting to keep the cat ears and tail. Being a Miqo’te means better balance and flexibility, generally, and it'll help him with navigating the city quickly. At least, that’s the excuse he tells himself, but really he just doesn’t want to remove the costume. He’s been wearing the prism for the past week or so, and the kitty ears and tail feel as much a normal part of his body as his arms and legs. He can’t imagine getting rid of them now, as annoying as the apparent side effects are.

He slinks up to the window sitting high on the wall above the bathtub. It’s narrow, not meant for much besides ventilating steam out of the bathroom, but somehow Noctis just knows if he can get his head through he’ll make it out. It’s a remarkably stupid thought, since Noctis _knows_ human bodies don’t work like that, but there’s something in his head that’s saying _you’re a cat, you’re a cat,_ and it’s easier to just accept it and move on.

He’s interrupted in his efforts to squeeze through the window by a knock on the door. _“Noctis?”_

Noctis jolts, smacking his head against the window frame. “Yeah, Ignis?”

_“Are you almost done? We need to talk.”_

“Yeah, just give me a minute,” Noctis says, distracted again with pushing against the window. It’s no use. The window itself isn’t too small, but the frame is bulky and prevents Noctis from getting his head through. He growls and headbutts the frame.

Immediately a sharp pain bursts in his forehead, and he can feel blood dripping down under his bangs, but the window frame busts and he’s finally able to push through.

Noctis can hear the bathroom door opening, but by that point he’s already landed on the ground (on his back, too, and he accidentally crushes his tail with his butt, which is… _ouch_ , but whatever) and is sprinting down the alleyway.

He sniffs the air as he goes, sometimes pausing to smell the pipes and buildings along the way. He can almost taste Ardyn’s scent in the air, hanging heavy among the lighter scents of the people who actually live in Lestallum. Ardyn smells old, but not in a bad way. He smells like something ancient and beautiful, a piece of artwork uncovered in the ruins of a destroyed city, broken apart and missing pieces but still glorious in its splendor. Noctis follows the scent, darting through the alleys and streets, until it blossoms into an explosion of sweet smelling musk.

The scent is floating out of the open window of an abandoned house. Noctis jumps through it and crashes directly onto a table, breaking it.

Ardyn doesn’t even look up from where he’s reading a copy of the Cosmogony in a chair next to the window. “Your Highness. So kind of you to drop in.”

“Fuck off,” Noctis growls, and he jumps into Ardyn’s lap. He presses his nose into Ardyn’s neck, right at his pulse point, and inhales deeply. The smell hits him full force, and Noctis whimpers with the strength of it. He melts against Ardyn when the man brings up a hand to scratch at the skin just behind one of his ears.

“Needy, aren’t we?” Ardyn asks, amused. “Oh, dear, you’re bleeding. Poor thing.”

“Did you cover yourself with catnip or something?” Noctis asks, turning into Ardyn’s touch. “Seriously, no one else smells this good.”

“Not even your precious retainers? My, I’m flattered!” Ardyn nudges Noctis aside when he tries to bring their faces closer together, preferring to flip to the next page of the Cosmogony. “To answer your question, though, of course I would never do such a thing. I’m not wearing cologne, either. This is simply my natural scent.”

Noctis glares at the book, feeling fiercely possessive. He uses his claws to shred it without thinking and hisses in Ardyn’s face. “Pay attention to me.”

Ardyn smiles. “But of course.” He grabs at the tip of Noctis’s tail and strokes it.

Noctis hisses again. “Not like that! Like this.” He rubs his cheek against Ardyn’s to demonstrate, briefly taking a moment to touch their noses together. Ardyn takes the opportunity to brush their lips against each other, his tongue darting out to lick at Noctis’s mouth. Noctis growls. “No!”

“I’m afraid you’re giving me mixed signals, my dear,” Ardyn says, drawing back. “Shall I kiss you, or not?”

“I lick you, not the other way around,” Noctis says, punctuating his words with a short lick to Ardyn’s cheek.

“I see,” Ardyn says slowly, a dark grin splitting his face. “And _where_ will you lick me, exactly?”

“Don’t be gross. I’m grooming you. We’re _bonding_.” Noctis licks all over his face, even taking a piece of his hair into his mouth to bite. It’s predictably gross, so he moves back to licking at Ardyn’s lips, which are only slightly chapped and much, much nicer.

“Bonding, hmm? I can think of some other fun activities for that purpose -”

“Get your hand away from my ass, Izunia, and let me clean you. You’re fucking filthy.”

“Right you are. I’m dirty as sin.” Ardyn moves the hand currently hovering over Noctis’s ass to caress the skin right above his tail. “I wonder if I could get you to yowl, kitten.”

Noctis is about to reply with something appropriately snarky (why does Ardyn keep making this weird, he just wants to _clean_ him, good gods) when a voice from the door says “nope, absolutely not, hands _off_ of my _best friend_ , Ardyn!”

Noctis glares at Prompto, who’s standing in the door with a gun in his hand, aimed directly at Ardyn’s head. Ardyn smirks and raises his hands in mock surrender. Noctis snuggles further against him and arches his back, stretching his tail up into the air.

“Okay, what the - what the fuck! Gladio, help, please!”

There are more footsteps entering the room, and Noctis is pretty sure he rips through several layers of Ardyn’s clothing trying to hold on while Gladio pries him away. Noctis yowls and hisses, wriggling around in Gladio’s arms to try and escape. Fucking _dog people._

“Kindly keep from doing this again, Chancellor,” Ignis says, cold as ice as he stands between Gladio and Ardyn with his spelldaggers drawn, fire curling around them.

“I must protest, my dear advisor. Your prince was the one who came after me,” Ardyn says, looking over Ignis’s shoulder to smile at Noctis. “Til next time then, sweetheart.”

“Am I a good kitty?” Noctis blurts out.

“The _best_.”

“Okay fuck this we’re leaving right now bye Ardyn hope we never see you again!”

\---

Thirty minutes later they sit in their hotel room, the glamour prism having been forcibly removed by Ignis as Gladio held Noctis down. Noctis’s hair is wet, the result of a shower he’d taken the moment his cat instincts were quelled and he’d realized he’d just tried to fuck Ardyn Izunia. Or, not tried to fuck him, exactly, but tried to rope him into some weird pet-play scenario just because he _smelled nice_ , and isn’t that kind of worse?

Still, he can’t find it within himself to completely regret it. Even without the glamour prism there’s something drawing them to each other, something Noctis can’t understand. It’s like they’re tied together by a red string of fate, keeping Ardyn on his mind and in his heart regardless of everything between them. Like Ardyn being a backstabbing son of a bitch who helps rule the empire that murdered his father and destroyed his home.

Shit, why does Noctis _like_ him so much? If it’s just because he has a thing for older men, couldn’t he have gone and developed a crush on Cor instead?

Prompto starts the inevitable intervention by patting Noctis awkwardly on the shoulder. “So, uh, buddy, you kinda traumatized all of us back there with… whatever that was. Wanna, um, talk about it, or…?”

“Nope,” Noctis says defensively.

“So you simply want us to accept that your behavior today was the result of the glamour prism and nothing more?” Ignis asks.

“Yep."

"...fair enough," Ignis says, and goes back to preparing their previously abandoned dinner.

That night, while the others sleep, Noctis slides back into the glamour prism. The cat ears and tail appear with a short glimmer, and Noctis shivers as the instincts come back full force. His crush on Ardyn blossoms into something bigger, something brighter, and without thinking he laces his boots and heads out.

This time, he finds Ardyn in the car park. The man is just sitting in the driver’s seat, alone. He slings an arm over the back of the passenger seat when he sees Noctis approach. "Why, Your Highness! You didn't sneak out just to see me, did you?"

"Shut up," Noctis mutters, jumping into the car. He snuggles up under Ardyn's chin. "You're broken, aren't you?"

"What an odd thing to say," Ardyn says, bemused, but he doesn't deny it.

"Cats like broken shit. Like, shattered coffee mugs and stuff." Noctis purrs as Ardyn pushes a hand up his shirt and strokes along his spine. "Shredded cardboard boxes. That kind of thing."

"Did you just compare me to garbage?"

"Sure did. Now shut up and let me clean you."

Ardyn chuckles as Noctis licks a stripe up his neck. "By all means, dear, _you can try_."


End file.
